I need This April 23, 2011
Sometimes I’m afraid I’m losing my way, that I’m losing my passion for life, for change, for me and it’s terrifying. I used to be so in love with everything and lately I’m not happy with anything, I’m stressed beyond belief and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I’m ashamed and of what, I have absolutely no idea.
Perhaps, it’s my inability to tell myself it’s okay that this is what I’m doing today, all that I’m doing, writing and posting, singing and dancing. I need a break and I’m ashamed to admit it because I feel as though I’ve done nothing. My articles in the paper, my meeting with the chancellor’s wife for an hour and a half long discussion about volunteering and our campus and I feel unaccomplished. Sure, I’ve done a bit but it’s not near enough; I’m nearly twenty and the lack of change I’ve made is appalling to me in my most frustrated state.
I can do more, I can change more, you can change more if we just recognize that we can’t save the world if we don’t save ourselves first. We have to realize that with commitment and determination comes physical and mental exhaustion followed by anguish and eventually emotional exhaustion- look I sound like a robot so let me rephrase this.
It’s time for a frekin break I deserve it and you do to. I’m so TIRED of beating myself up and not loving what I can do, what I am doing because if I don’t I’ll NEVER realize my potential for greatness.
And if I don’t realize it who the hell else will?
So tonight, I’m going to watch a movie on netflix instant, write in my journal, scrap book, listen to music, meditate and fall asleep whenever I feel like it- it’s my time and that’s all I need.