Little Miss Saving-the-World

Changing the way we think in order to change the world


Impact not intent October 29, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — LittleMissSavingTheWorld @ 9:29 pm

My sanity was saved today by a woman from the YWCA hotline who said, “ It’s not about the intent it’s about the impact.” After going to a party and losing control of a situation, I felt silly for thinking such a little action was such a large deal; my head told me that I shouldn’t care, that if my friend hadn’t even taken notice of it then why should I? I knew in my head that perhaps, the issue wasn’t as large as I had made it out to be but in my heart I couldn’t stop feeling how I felt. I felt empty and unsure and hysterical.

I tried everything, cleaning for hours, calling close friends but nothing was helping the ache that I couldn’t stop feeling. All I kept thinking were the statistics “70 percent of all sexual assault and rape is from someone you know.” I woke up in my friend’s apartment with that exact quote running through my head. I felt so alone and upset no matter how many people I talked to I couldn’t cope.

I felt like I needed closure, attention, just some sort of recognition that what had happened was wrong; it took a two days of me going bombastic for that to happen and for many it never occurs. The discussion with my friend left me uneasy, I felt like maybe I took more responsibility for some of the actions than I needed to and found myself hurt that the overall situation, since “nothing happened” really left him feeling nothing for the situation other than sad about how I put it.

I don’t know how to feel to be honest but I do know that after attempting to find proper counseling on campus- they were high and hidden. I was unsure which number to call and after numerous fits of crying I gave up completely and called the YWCA San Jose where my boyfriend used to volunteer.

I realize this isn’t my best piece of writing, not close but I write to let you know you’re not alone…

Here’s the YWCA San Jose hotline as a resource…

(408) 287-3000 or (650) 493-7273

For LSU’s campus here’s a list of contacts

It says Rape Crisis Hotline for the YWCA but from what the woman said they also talk to anyone who has dealt with assault as well.


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