Little Miss Saving-the-World

Changing the way we think in order to change the world

 

The best and the worst March 14, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — LittleMissSavingTheWorld @ 1:40 pm

I know it was the right choice for me to make- beyond a shadow of a doubt it was the most difficult choice I’ve ever made but it was right for me, right for us. He’s the most beautiful person I have met, gorgeous beyond words but the timing was off, the compassion and the love were real but there were some differences that couldn’t be healed by time. Ultimately I needed my space to make my own choices and I truly hope we both find what we’re looking for- for me I just want to be happy with myself.

I made a 68% on a test I should have aced but that’s assuming I studied enough, instead I used my clogged, numb, unfeeling brain to watch Girls for three hours last night while simultaneously studying. The result was a grade I probably deserved but would like to think I didn’t. The truth is I have yet to do my grand collapse in pain and sadness. The big breakup breakdown I suppose, I’ve just kind of been avoiding it altogether… but i lost a best friend. I know I’ll call back and I’ll hope we can still talk. I’ll hope we can be okay but never the way we were- it shouldn’t be , it hurts. it’s supposed to be different and I knew that but the feelings still feel like someone is clawing through my soul with their newly sharpened nails.

I went from someone wanting to know EVEryTHING about my day to no one really wondering… the freedom is nice and lovely and the loneliness is what I wanted but it’s so lonely. It was the aloneness I was looking for but rather I’m still sad obviously it’s only been a week. It’s just this process of grieving that needs to take place and I will let it… I just can’t fail next week’s exams as well and everyone else is in my head.

Should probably just listen to myself instead….

 

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